glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
