Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
