what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
