is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
