Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
