Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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