I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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