he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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