seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
