I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
