One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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