I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
