Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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