11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
