addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
