so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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