I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
