did you get engaged???
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
