We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
