I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
