Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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