I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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