She's JV to your varsity
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
