She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
