i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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