Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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