just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
