Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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