I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
