some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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