Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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