I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
