Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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