Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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