Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
