yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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