do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
