During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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