I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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