I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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