just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Randomize
