I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
