Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
