So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
