I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
