please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
