Your face is a jimmy john
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
