Banned from zoo.
Again?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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