dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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