I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
