i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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