Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
